Aisle Five

Hasty little lists.  These can be great at times.  Let’s dissect it, shall we?
Found this in front of a Meijer store.  The Midwest’s mega mart. 
​They don’t call it Meijer’s thrify
acres for nothin’!  Monogrammed
with an “S”. Smith?  Shit? 
How about Schmit?

Playing Cards
Sounds fun. Something about a new deck is exciting. Except those first 50 deals or so – the cards go sliding off the table.
Apples
Wholesome. Doesn’t say how many. Are they using these to gamble with?  What’s up with playing cards and eating apples?
Napkins
Keeping it civil.  Something to wrap the core in when finished nibbling? I knew a guy who ate the whole damn apple. I can’t bring myself to do that.
Tablecloth
Underlined, written on a slant.  Afterthought but important.  More civility.  Disposable?  That plastic wipe down kind?  Those apple cores can get sticky.
Table
Schmit is starting game night from scratch!
Cord 50/60 ft
Extension cord? Something to use to tie down the table on top of their sedan?
Kiss My Face
No.  I like how it’s not crossed off. Poor Schmit
Shower Shoes
How messy are these card games?  Excessive sweating leads to hitting the shower directly after the guests leave?  How nasty is Schmit’s shower?
Refrigerator
Does anyone ever put such a big ticket item on a list?  It’s not crossed off. Couldn’t decide on the side-by-side door model or the trendy freezer that is a drawer?  Schmit: Make up your mind!  Quit gambling your life away!
Trac Phone
What the hell?  Now this list sounds like a horror movie. 
​Mayo, ketchup
New items to put in refrigerator next to the dead body and apple cores?
Synopsis:
​Schmit is either tending to a crime scene or is outfitting a corner of his garage into a gambling den.  Either way, he visits The Thrify Acres.  I will now only go there in broad daylight and purchase pears instead of apples in case he sees me as a possible card playing enthusiast.

Vowel Pellet